From the Office of the Mayor    

To whom it doesn't concern:

The final vote tally has been audited. 99.5%. I received forty-five and a half votes; one vote was torn in two. I ran on the Republicrat ticket. The opposition party was the Nitwit or Nitpick Party. Not too much mud slinging in this campaign. Too dry and cold. I managed to secure most of the widows' votes and other women, some which probably wish they were widows. I imagine some people voted for me to give me something to do.

My wages for the term will be ten percent of the deficit. Oh, I forgot... the term is till someone else wants or needs the job. My campaign fund was used mostly to buy coffee... for myself. As of now, I have no reason to seek a higher office. My campaign committee has been dissolved. He said there is too much hassle to put up with.

My agenda will be whatever people want. But what they will get is something else. There have been concerns stated about the rush hour traffic in the business district. It seems that at times two or three cars going through at the same time. Maybe they should car pool.

The street sweeper wants a new broom. Tough luck. It wasn't in the budget.

Some old timers want the 7 AM whistle put on snooze for an extra hour of sleep. One citizen suggested putting a silencer on the siren so the dogs wouldn't bark so much.

So as this year is slowly drawing to a close, there's much work to do. Wait till next year. I'm expecting more help!

Russell Cummings

New 2008 Campaign Poster